Cleaning plan

Last weekend was really bad... I went down the hill really bad. It was Friday at I had to met a friend to do something in the city we didn’t have any specific plans but I knew it will include some drinks, so... I thought ‘well I am going to drink so I go with good spirit and in a really good mood’ it was 3 pm I drank by myself for an hour and a half... I can’t really remember anything after Maz woke me up around 4 am next day. Yeah ... and I really don’t want to remember, I was a mess.  As everybody knows when I drink wayyy too much I don’t have the same symptoms of hung over as a normal person. I feel physically good but really really depress like with suicidal thought. I feel trap in time and sadness. That day I went to take dinner with my friend Tanzina. That was a really good idea, she distracts me and I change my mood a bit. SOOOOO ... I will not have a drink for a month this means that until 5 may I can’t have any drink. I can beat that!!  

Back home I lost 7 kilos; I’m not fat at all. I’m now 47 kilos, same weight when I was 15 years old (I’ll be 27 in a couple of days) really skinny, People tell me all the time, but I never really could see that, I thought ‘I’m really ok’ but two days ago I went w Maz another girl to H&M and just for fun I decided to try a dress... I never see full body in underwear in front of a mirror... oh God, I’m a bag of bones and literally you can see every bone, extremely not sexy.

That same night I was seen some old pics of me in Facebook, I miss my extra kilos... I really do. Worst part is when I had that weight I hated it. I never really comfortable with my weight, no matter if people say I look good. God, can somebody punch me in the head??

So I decided to eat more even if I’m not hungry. And do some exercises but it’s going to be hard if I get another job in the mornings. I have to wake up at 5.45 am and got home at 3.00 pm. usually I have to start around 5 pm at my other job and finish around 9.30 pm. But I’ll try, even now I’m writing in the train, because I don’t have time.

As part of my cleaning I’m doing meditation again, amazing I really need it. Ok people. C’ ya next week

XOXO  -A-